pants of glory

so in the far left of my screen, i have my ichat turned on which in turn turns on my gchat, which is at the far right of the screen, because they’re one in the same for my ichat program and then i have my msn messenger opened as well because no one in hong kong uses ichat and then i’ve got skype up and running right next to my ichat and it’s ringing because my dad’s calling me, and then i’ve got oovoo running next to my gchat and my webcam is turned on because i’ve got five other people trying to talk to me on oovoo from canada, hong kong, the states, whatever, and that’s why i can’t stop the incessant ringing of my dad’s phone call on skype who hangs up a million times and then tries to call me again because he thinks that im just not picking up so i send him a written message but then he wants me to learn chinese so he responds in all chinese and i can’t read but maybe fifty words so i go and translate it word by word while ten other im’s are popping up from ichat, gchat, and skype asking me all different kinds of questions and expecting me to respond in two seconds after they send it and then on the far right bottom corner of my screen, an email notification pops up and says that i’ve got 50 unread emails from last night and so i open that and then another notification takes the place of the email notification and says so-and-so’s birthday is today so i head on over to facebook and say ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY!’ before i hear a ding from my itouch telling me that someone just tweeted me a message so i open that and type with one hand on my laptop as i finger-type a response to the tweet i got and simultaneously look up and smile at the people who are now watching me intently as i multitask and try to keep each conversation in mind as they all talk over each other with someone bursting out with a ridiculous laugh somewhere and then i return to my im’s and start a conversation over boobs falling out of t-shirts with one person; how another person’s room smells like weed with another person; and then i gossip with another girl about how some girl we both know needs to learn to take a shower before my cell phone rings freaking me out of my chair and when i look at the screen i see my dad’s face flashing me a smile so i walk away from my computer after writing ‘brb’ on my im’s and i walk towards my dresser as i’m talking to my dad and move to unzip my jeans to slip on my sweats before i realize. SHIT. they’re still watching.

these instant-everything’s are meant to make your life easier to communicate with the world, but i really think it sets me back a couple of paces when something like this happens.  all this anxiety comes from stuff like this; the fact that i said the wrong thing on the wrong im and that my cousin’s mother saw me half naked… on some days, i just like to turn everything off and let the world think that i’ve fallen off the ride for just one moment so i can steal a second to b.r.e.a.t.h.e