old tendencies

yesterday, i was completely out of my element. my mood was just down to my ankles and i wanted to clam up. so i did. after class, i rode the train to our nearest city and just walked. i didn't really know where i wanted to go, but i ended up at a local supermarket, and i ended up going up and down the asiles for almost an hour and a half. i didn't notice it while i was doing it, but afterwards when i caught the train back to school, i felt so OLD. why the fack was i grocery shopping when i wasn't happy?? where the heck did that come from...that's what my mother does! so then i started to wonder what else i do thats supposedly beyond my age---and the results were quite frightening, to me at least.

1. like i noted before, i like to grocery shop when i get a little down. for some odd reason, it relieves my tensions. i dont have to buy anything but looking at the products makes me a little happier, but usually i end up buying food that i don't normally need. swimming used to do it for me, but now a pool is not readily available.

2. i have the urge to do full out cleaning once in a while when i have nothing else to do. i will literally go from one side of my dorm room to the other, cleaning it, which would mean wiping the drawers with sanitary wipes, vacuuming, and cleaning my sheets. when i used to have nothing to do, i used to watch tv. but now thats not as satisfying as cleaning my room until it smells like oranges.

3. i love baking when im home on the weekends. i will make a ridiculous amount of baked goods that i know no one will finish, but that doesn't stop me. i will make cakes, cupcakes, cookies, rainbow cakes, whatever, and after making it i usually don't end up eating it. i just like displaying it and watching other people eat it. before at home on the weekends, i'd go ride my bike, fix my stories, go shopping, paint my nails...but now...not so much.

4. i cut out recipes in magazines but i never cook them. i just like to collect them. i don't know why i do it, but whenever i go through any magazine and i see a recipe, i'll automatically cut it out if it sounds like something i'd eat. i also have a tendency to cut out designs that i'd like to see in my future home. who knows, maybe i'm nesting.


i'm going to stop at 4 because ya'll are probably already making fun of me. so you can just sit pretty.