PMS i am

the other day in psych class, professor woolfolk (no, i didn't make up her name) was telling us about how researchers are saying that PMS mood swings have nothing to do with our menstrual cycle. the menstrual cycle is not so much science as it is nature...if you get my drift. they just need more women researchers on this topic...

there are certain things you boys just shouldn't say to your spouse/girlfriend when she's on this tedious and painful cycle. be considerate even though God decided not to be by giving us cramps and bloating.

situation 1:
girl: "honey, does my butt look fat?"
what guy should say: no sweetheart. its perfect like always. (or something along that line)
what guy should not say: yes! MAN! it looks like you stuffed two watermelons in your jeans! -->proceeds to point and laugh.
[warning-know that once and if you say that, you are subjected to a slap across the face, or...depending on where she is standing, a perfume bottle, or a knife...]

situation 2:
girl: "i can't fit into my pants. i feel so bloated!"
what guy should say: its okay. just make today your sweatpants day. you'd feel so much better in those anyway.
what guy should not say: maybe you're not bloated and you just got fat.
[...you're just looking for a fight if you say this.]

situation 3:
girl: "i don't want to eat italian"
boy: "but you told me you wanted to eat italian, like, two minutes ago"
girl: "yes, but now i want chinese"
--two minutes later--
girl: "wait, make that french"
boy: "no. i want italian now."
what guy should do: take her to where she wants to go because she will be much happier
what guy should not do: argue with her and make her even more upset.
[warning-this only brings boy more trouble by refusing]

situation 4:
girl: "you smell like sweat. go take a shower. its gonna make me gag"
what guy should do: go take a shower because you probably really do smell like sweat.
what guy should not do: stand next to her and attempt to make her gag even more.
[girls' sense of smell increases by like, 90 percent during our menstrual cycle. so don't go smoke, or drink, or go out with some girl at this time unless you want to get in super big trouble.]